Even though I think Claire Suddath will hate me:
Facebook’s “25 Things About Me” meme seems harmless enough; people write 25 facts about themselves and post them on their Facebook pages, just as they do with videos, status updates and photos of last weekend’s party. An estimated 5 million of these notes — that’s 125 million facts — have appeared on the website within the past week. Assuming it takes someone 10 minutes to come up with their list, this recent bout of viral narcissism has sent roughly 800,000 hours of worktime productivity down the drain. (Read “Does Facebook Replace Face Time or Enhance It?”)
But it’s just so stupid. Most people aren’t funny, they aren’t insightful, and they share way too much. Facebook is a loose social network; a “friend” on Facebook might translate to someone you’d barely recognize in real life. I don’t care that my college roommate’s sister is anemic or that my stepcousin’s boyfriend gets nervous around old people (apparently he’s afraid they’re going to die).
I can be insightful. Poignant even!
1. Does Keri Hilson date white guys?
2. I am terribly afraid of the passenger side mirror. I think it will either destroy my hip/stomach while I’m walking on the sidewalk or will rip off and crash through the window smashing my face.
3. Sidney Crosby reminds me of JJ Redick, but a far less lethal shooter.
4. Speaking of the world famous Blue Devils, I think the JJ Redick facebook account may actually be him.
5. I want a tattoo but frattinghard.com suggests otherwise
6. It takes me 45 minutes to get comfortable at a concert. I never know where to put my hands.
7. Ouch ouch, you’re on my hair
8a. Gossip Girl is as entertaining as seasons 1 and 2 of The O.C.
8b. Gossip Girl makes me want to move to New York like The O.C. made me want to move to the O.C.
9. If I had to choose between Chuck Bass and Seth Cohen, I’d kill myself
10. Dan Humphrey is an embarrassment to the males the world over
11. Last night, I said, “At least you didn’t get beat up with an umbrella ella ella a a” The young broad was not pleased
12. Last night someone threatened to call the cops on me, and that person is out of state
13. I invented the piano key neck tie. I invented it! What have you done? Nothing!
Oh this is narscicistic… narcissitic… self centered. Let’s do a lacrosse themed Things list instead
1a. I scored on the last shot of my high school career. Right handed on the run bounce shot to the low corner.
1b. I scored on the first shot of my college career. Left handed on the run bounce shot to the top corner. Textbooks cried tears of joy. Then made me buy them for $150 only to be sold later for $13.
2. I brought the no look pass to my high school team. Two years later a future CMU Tartan killed the craze
3. At my first Saturday practice in college, our assistant coach said, “Don’t worry, we’ll sweat it out of you.” I was terrified.
4. At Ohio Wesleyan, my teammate was ridiculed for having a “mullet” sticking out of his helmet. This was before the 90% of lax is the flow facebook group was created. Pre Flow like B.C. and A.D.
5. I lost a bet at 4am and had to cut my flow off. That was in November. I’m borderline ashamed to step on the practice field without it. But I assure you I am doing everything in my power to grow it back.
6. I have been playing for almost 10 years and I still have no idea if I like whip in my stick (that’s what Michael said)
7. My career overtime record is 2-1. And I will talk about scoring the game winner two weeks ago until the day I die (Story of the Year)
8. I have despised all Powell brothers since I first found about them. Reasons: “Mikey” cramping up in the finals his freshman year after Damien Davis dumped him from behind, “Mikey” as a lacrosse player in general, “Mikey” as a musical artist Villian’s Trust cool oxymoron bro, Ryan and Casey being sloppy fat yet still seemingly agile, charging $495 for a day camp just so you can watch them do stick tricks this isn’t a circus clowns, all three losing the World Championships to Canada because they played in a lethargic, devil may care attitude, their upstate accents
9. Just because I wore #22 in high school doesn’t mean I like any of them. Although I did appreciate the Franklin Regional defender who tried to cover me when we were running out the clock at the end of the game saying “nice game Powell” in the hand shake line.
10. A former high school teammate of mine who currently plays at Dartmouth can do a better flip than “Mikey” anyway
11. At this point “Mikey” is on my short list of people that I would punch in the face regardless of consequences
12. Ultimate Warrior eye black is obnoxious and therefore a significant uniform flaw. It’s just a game. Who do you think you are Kellen Winslow?
13. It would take 3 MCLA defenders to shut down Kylor Berkman.
14. When I tried to think of how many MCLA defenders to would take to cover Paul Rabil, I thought of the s
15. On field calf girth is very very important. When someone says to you, “You have really big calves, no wonder you are a lacrosse player,” you know you’ve made it.
16. Warrior Lacrosse marketing techniques are pathetic.
17. Game shorts featuring the famous crossed sticks logo are redundant and therefore a significant uniform flaw.
18. However, practice attire that say lacrosse or have lacrosse images are acceptable.
19. Large helmet numbers on the side of the helmet are dumb.
20. Small helmet numbers on the back of the helmet are professional
21. Colorado State scrimmaged a men’s club team sporting their white reversibles which I enjoy considerably more than their all forrest green kit as I thought I would. Let’s hope their game whites look better as well.
22a. I hated Syracuse lacrosse for beating UVA in last year’s semi finals.
22b. Their new uniforms look like orange sorbet vomit
22c. I am not the only person that believes this:
23. My fantasy lacrosse attack line up is absurd; Yeatman, Gladding, Catalino, Bitter, Dickson, Gibbons
24. My fantasy lacrosse middie line up is less than intimidating such that I decided to provide first names and the teams they play and their favorite colors;
|nick monastero – colgate||2/20 duke||7||0.00|
|andrew brancaccio – georgetown||2/21 maryland||0||0.00|
|jamie lincoln – denver||2/21 albany||1||1.00|
|anthony muscarella – hofstra||2/21 umass||0||0.00|
|dan groot – maryland||2/21 georgetown||5||5.00|
|jason duboe – harvard||2/22 duke||0||0.00|