The Sodium Content in Turkey Bacon Makes It Worthless For My Diet

The D1 season is underway. The MCLA season is in full swing. Yesterday on was like Christmas morning only better. Pictures of new gear everywhere. Just from those four games let’s discuss the winners, losers, and who cares.

Ohio State vs. Navy


I haven’t played in front of that many people since the PA state final. I was told Johnny Christmas was in attendance to watch. Who cares he’s almost as overrated as Kyle Harrison.

Navy’s gold helmet’s are the best helmets in the game right now no matter what happens next weekend with other teams unveiling their lids. Duke’s whites are number two. I am glad Nike has gotten involved with college lacrosse but I hate that they’ve taken over the uniforms like they did with college football and college basketball. All the uniforms look the same with different colors so essentially you’re playing for Nike U rather than your school. Long story short, I approve of Navy sporting unique Nike uniforms and could care less about Ohio State’s stock uniforms.

The red lids for OSU are a great departure from the obnoxious black and red Brines they wore last year. The STX contract also makes them look more like a D1 team than a club team.

Of the two teams, I’d rather wear Navy’s gear. In fact I considered applying to the Naval Academy because I knew the girl that held my heart in her little varsity soccer hands was pro-military. Unfortunately by the time I worked up the nerve to actually apply I discovered its nearly an 18 month process. Short story long, didn’t go to Navy.

UMBC vs. Delaware


UMBC needs to go back to the drawing board. Those Brine Kings look orange against the black and for the record, barely look custom. Like they were customized for a high school team not a D1 college team. Speaking of high school, did they beat up a local Maryland team for those uniforms? Putting your branch campus initials on the chest of your uniforms is rather bourgeois and the dog’s head logo on the shorts looks like they were borrowed from summer beer tournament team. Those black helmets with helmet numbers are perhaps more awkward than Ohio State’s black for no reason helmets. Tough day to be a Retriever, but at least they won.

Delaware switching up to the Under Armour kit. Their shorts are the same Under Armour shorts some noteworthy high school teams were wearing last season. Not off to a good start. When I look at their times new roman font on the tops, I want to beat up a typewriter. With their color scheme, I feel like I’m looking at Hofstra’s JV team. It’s a shame the new uniforms took budget money away from getting G22s but the economy is bad for everyone I guess.

At least this goof has a custom hoody because he still plays for Delaware and doesn’t coach…


Who would I rather play for? Delaware because I’ve heard considerably better things about their social scene than UMBC’s. But I wouldn’t like it very much.

Duke vs. Bucknell


Anybody want to tell me why Brad Ross has a New York area code written on his arm? He's from Maryland by the way

Anybody want to tell me why Brad Ross has a New York area code written on his arm? He's from Maryland by the way



Well I blessed Duke yesterday for taking it upon themselves for defeating the trend to white and making it look good. But let’s go a little deeper. The Brino Silos are gross. Their King II’s are amazing. Deep enough? I confess I am disappointed they do not have new white uniforms. Especially considering those are the same uniforms I watched them to lose to Hopkins in last years semi finals which was also the day I became single. Saddest day of spring EVER. Brutal emotional connections to the game will continue throughout the course of this blog. Don’t try to fight it. Just accept it.

Bucknell decided to treat their players to new gloves. Thanks for boring pictures guys. Uniforms are several years old as are they CPX helmets. What’s going on Bison? Maybe this lashing on 412lax will change your opinion of the way you look.

Duke over and over again…over Bucknell.

UVA vs. Drexel

Drexel Dragons at #2 Virginia Cavaliers

Both teams representing Nike U.  Drexel still sporting the STX I Pros with a few players enjoying basic STX Fleet gloves. Not sure how that happens. Drexel’s font is almost as aggressive as Delaware’s times new roman. The jury is still out on the helmet number sticker size but I do enjoy the attention to detail with the yellow chin straps. General rule of thumb, never miss a moment to customize your kit. Black socks being worn by this particular Drexel player are completely ridiculous. Everyone knows you only wear black socks if you play for Maryland specifically if you are 6’3 or taller, 220 pounds or bigger and are from Upper Arlington. 

Back to the Wahoos, how do you even get wahoos out of Cavaliers? Wahoos are gorgeous and delicious fish are they not? The pumpkin Gait helmets are brutal. The white and orange gloves are boring. When kids are choosing to wear gloves from three years prior you know your new line of gear is trash. I blame Brine for losing the UVA contract. Still someone on the team has to be choosing to wear the pumpkin helmets. The all navy shorts are amazing and to a degree represent one team trying to lash out against Nike U. Where are the Six Nations uniforms? Is Hopkins the only team thats going to be sporting those? We’ll see what Cuse has on today against Providence.

UVA over Drexel in a heartbeat, I’d majoring in calf girth and minor in lax vocabulary. Love Thomas Jefferson U.

MCLA Player of the Weekend

Connor Martin #99 Chapman

Terrible number but kid scored 5 and 5 against #20 Claremont. Did Claremont not have a scouting report or no one that could stop Mr. Martin? Perhaps both. 

Question of the Day

If you (Claremont) are ranked 20th lose 18-6 to the 2nd ranked team in the country (Chapman) do you deserve to be ranked in the top 23 by the MCLA magazine or whoever on God’s green earth is doing the rankings these days?

I got into this argument a little bit last year with some “bros” on the message board. Last year, BYU entered their game against Minnesota Duluth with a 5-3 record. They were still ranked 4th in the country. You can’t have three loses and still be 4th in the country. That’s embarrassing for the league and perhaps a big reason why the rankings were taken away from  

What to watch tonight?

Ferrell is comedy. BOOM!


3 responses to “The Sodium Content in Turkey Bacon Makes It Worthless For My Diet

  1. “Who would I rather play for? Delaware because I’ve heard considerably better things about their social scene than UMBC’s. But I wouldn’t like it very much.”

    cmon tumbas…you’d cream your shorts if any of these programs told you that they wanted you to play…

  2. The point of the article is to determine which of the teams in the pictures I would play for based purely on who has the better uniform.

    Having actually played to the NCAA tournament, I would much rather be a little D3 or club lacrosse guy with a shot at the postseason than be a D1 scrub who wouldn’t see the field until senior day if I was so lucky.

    Long story short, nothing about Delaware or UMBC makes me cream anything, not even my morning coffee.

  3. merci bien mon ami

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